She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
