My room smells like vodka and shame
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
