I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
