Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
