I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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