how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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