took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
