You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
