I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
