i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
