You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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