so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
