Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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