have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
