I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
