he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
