how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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