so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
