You can't motorboat a personality
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
