Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
