Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
