Yo dont text me then not text me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
