he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
