We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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