so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
