hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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