Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
im on a boat
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