some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize