Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
