i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
