i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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