Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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