ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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