I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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