She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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