I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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