where am i from again
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize