dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
