I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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