True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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