Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
