i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
