Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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