I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
