Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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