You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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