booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
