our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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