Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
