Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
