i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
