I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need a beard to bite.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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