I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
