Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
