so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Congratulations! We have a period
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