Swine flu. Run for my life!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
being pregnant is like rehab
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
