this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
