Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
