Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
