I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
