my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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