i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
