i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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