i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
