the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
